Who's story is this again?

Two posts in one day is unheard of for me but this, this I had to share.

So quick back story: I've been working on a Beauty and the Beast story, trying to get a handle on the characters and work out some problems with the plot so I can start writing it for Camp NaNoWriMo's April session.

It hasn't been going well. I thought I had calmed down about it after my last post but then I just got worked up again wondering if I was ready to write it and if I had enough exuberance to deal with all the themes properly. My MCs (main characters)  were flabby at best but some of the SCs (secondary characters) fascinated me.

Everyone knows how Beauty and the Beast ends so you wouldn't think I'd have a problem there but I did. I had this SC who I really liked, she had a complex journey of her own and I really felt the need to wrap up her story nicely, only I couldn't. There was no way I could fit a happy ending into the story I the idea of leaving her hanging didn't sound good at all.

You Can't Plan Joy

I've been panicking;  mildly yes, but still panicking  I have been struggling to pin down certain aspects of the story I'm supposed to start in April for Camp NaNoWriMo. I have several characters I like and something of the plot but so much is still a jumbled mess.

The story is about love and motives and all sorts of difficult themes that I'm not sure I can handle. I've begun wondering what experience I have that qualifies me to write this. Should I even try? Is there another story, one which I don't care about as much, one that I wouldn't ruin?

My first time in NaNo I didn't have time to worry before hand, I found out about it and signed up the same day. I picked the only story that was even near being ready to write and ran with it. But still, I thought to day, I must have worried about it, I know I did. So I went back to my journal entries for that month and I have never been so thankful I to have kept a journal.  I know I worried at some point but that's not what I found as I flipped though the first few weeks of November. I'll give you a few excerpts to show you what I mean:

The Midnight Questions

If the words that scrawl across the page by night were ever read by light of day, what would there be worth reading again? A desperate question, an unfounded hope, a memory fresh as new leaves? Or will the words be as dry as ink on the page?

 Is it all just a flash, here and then gone? Or will something stay, standing out in the morning bright? 

If I had never written, not one word upon the page, would I then find rest, untroubled by these lines? Would I wish it so? 

What words will come tomorrow night, when all is dim and clean? What echos of the day will sound, when night stars wake once more?

Why I Started this Blog

I am just starting out with writing, I’ve thought about it and sort of played with it but it never went anywhere. So here I am, trying again, and it's such a long road when you're sitting at your computer all alone.

Yesterday I had a bad day. Nothing was going anywhere. I’d written some stuff but it wasn’t real writing, it wasn't a scene or a plot. It was just nonsense, fragments and snapshots that are supposed to be helpful in making your writing better but don't look like much by themselves. I was depressed and frustrated. So I went looking for help. I searched the web trying to find someone who felt like me. No luck. There just wasn’t anyone else out there who was saying anything like what I was feeling. So here it is; a blog that will, hopefully, be admitting the simple fact that I’m a beginner and I’m scared.

My story ideas either have no plot or have no character. I have fragments and ideas and years worth of note books without any clear outlines or drafts. That’s right not a single completed story to my name. So I keep thinking what’s the point? If I can’t even come up with a beginning, middle, and an end then how can I even think of calling myself a writer? Oh but I want it. I need it. The words scribbled across the page or tapped out double time on the key board, a disconnected conversation growing until you can almost see the story behind it, a single line standing out on the page, the absolutely silly delight in something that wasn’t there five minutes ago; oh how I love it! If there is a job I could do for the rest of my life this is it.

 I know that the number one cause of writer’s block is fear. And I freely admit that I’m scared. They say that courage is fear that’s said its prayers. So here I am, saying a prayer and; jumping off the plane without my back up shoot, diving in the deep end, and going to a party without a banana. God Bless

Rita